I think im going to throw up on grandma
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
