All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
