then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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