how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
