my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I CAN MOONWALK!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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