I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
