you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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