I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
