i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
