fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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