if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
