so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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