He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
