do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
