i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
