We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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