This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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