So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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