Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
