yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I fill condoms, not promises.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
