I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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