Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
