You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
