Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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