I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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