how can u be prego again
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
