i already hear my dad disowning me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Congratulations! We have a period
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