the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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