There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
