Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize