No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
