problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
