And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
