Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Acid is not a monday night drug
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize