I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
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I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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