I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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