He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
