pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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