i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
