rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
