They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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