that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
