They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
