he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
