i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
