im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
