Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
