Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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