1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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