I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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