ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
