And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
