The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
either way he was missing a nipple.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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