Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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