Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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