You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
