then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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