go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
