This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
