So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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