everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
