i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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