someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
