That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
