he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
