bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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